


Pens As Torture Devices

by Tsuji



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Bunny decides to prank Jack for once, Everyone loves Sandy, He can be such a lovable shit, Hilarity Ensues, Jack will have none of it, M/M, Meanwhile Jack will suffer everyone's love, Pitch will suffer his love too, So Tsuji and Iggy were having some coffee and minding their business, evil authors school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsuji/pseuds/Tsuji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An year after Jack's call to Guardianhood, the Guardians have become closer than ever before, having more frequent meetings, hanging out more often and whatnot. One day, Jack decides to hold a trial by fire for their friendship: having a wild party. (it was just a guardian meeting but Jack is Jack.) Bunny, on the other hand, decided to play a prank on the newcomer Guardian of Fun for a chance... and is highly disappointed when he managed to drug everyone but Jack.</p><p>So when Bunny decides to get mischievous, and Jack decides to show who owns mischief in the Guardian fold, things get out of hand all the way to a different universe. And Tsuji and Iggy  are dropped into the scene and things get real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Space Cake and Space Rifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An year after Jack's call to Guardianhood, the Guardians have become closer than ever before, having more frequent meetings, hanging out more often and whatnot. One day, Jack decides to hold a trial by fire for their friendship: having a wild party. (It was just a guardian meeting but Jack is Jack.) Bunny, on the other hand, decided to play a prank on the newcomer Guardian of Fun for a chance... and is highly disappointed when he managed to drug everyone but Jack.
> 
> So when Bunny decides to get mischievous, and Jack decides to show who owns mischief in the Guardian fold, things get out of hand all the way to a different universe. And Tsuji and Iggy are dropped into the scene and things get real.

It was a normal day at the pole. The yeti were working diligently, the elves were being annoying, and the Guardians had gathered for yet another of their meetings.

Then everything went to hell. And it was all on Bunny. And Jack too.

GuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantorture

“Let’s get this party started!” Jack exclaimed as he entered the meeting room. Ever since the Pitch attack, the guardians had been meeting up more than once every six decades or something like that. Now it was every few months, so they needed a new room. Jack just thought North just wanted to build another room. It was something North would do. The room was colored gold, red, with some cream thrown in. There were five chairs circling a huge wooden table, bigger than Jack with his arms and legs spread out. The chairs each represented the guardians personalities: Sandy’s was gold and looked like a fluffy cloud, Tooth’s was made of feathers and had a lot of pink on it (Tooth, are you determined to prove that pink is a woman’s color?), North’s chair was a big red one, kinda like you would expect a philosopher to have, and Bunny’s (Damn it, he should not feel a flutter for acknowledging Bunny’s chair) chair was green with depicted pictures of plants and such on it.

Jack’s chair, however, was made purely out of ice and white fur. In Jack’s eyes, it was a beautiful masterpiece.

“Hello Jack, it is nice to see you again.” North greeted him politely. North was in his traditional red, his blue eyes twinkling with their usual wonder. “Has the winter treated you well?”

“Winter was a lot of fun,” Jack was practically beaming. “I played a lot of snowball fights with Jamie and other believers all around the world. I have hundreds now! I tried my best to decrease global warming too. I froze some polar ice caps to stop polar bears from drowning and losing their homelands and hunting grounds. I started some snow storms in Europe, Canada, most of Northern America, and the South Pole. Aaand I had some fun with my friend Saci- Trique.” Jack grinned at the thought of his long time bestie. The fun they had had was awesome, despite the fact Saci lived in the tropics, the two tricksters had had a lot of fun with each other.

“Sounds like you had some fun Jack.” North then left to speak to Sandy, who was sleeping, again. For the third guardian meeting straight. “Sandy, wake up!”

Sandy jolted awake and started to sign as North spoke to him.

“Hey Jack!” Jack barely had enough time to turn before Tooth’s hands were in his mouth. “Omg, they are still so white!” Jack made some grunting noises of discomfort at Tooth’s fingers in his mouth. Tooth was squealing at this point, the baby teeth had gathered around him, and Jack really needed his personal space.

“Tooth, fingers out of mouth!” North called over, and thank god he did. Tooth back away, blushing and by then, many of the baby teeth had actually fainted. Jack was just relieved that Tooth was no longer in his mouth. Tooth smiled at Jack, not ashamed at all in her actions and said “Sorry.”

“Guardians, time to begin meeting, right? Take your seats.” North wandered over to his seat and the other guardians did the same.

As Jack sat in his seat, he noticed there was a change. There were cupcakes on the large wooden table, of all kinds. There were red velvet, chocolate, vanilla, banana, all types. Some had sprinkles, some had multi colored frosting, some had signs, others had candies on top. Jack reached his hand slowly to grab one..

And had his hand slapped by a paw.

“Come on Bunny, just one?” Jack begged.

“You will get one when everyone else does Frostbite.”

Jack then started grumbling and didn’t even pay attention to the meeting until they got to have the cupcakes. Which had an interesting effect on the other four guardians.

GuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantorture

Jack was sober. _Sober._ Surprisingly sober while everyone else was drunk. On magic cupcakes of all things, Jack would find out whose brilliant idea that was later. He was feeling sickly, like the hangover had come earlier, but no drunken high. He couldn't be more annoyed if he tried.

Curse you, dead body! How do you work, anyway?

With the Workshop already run-down, he had nothing to do but watch his friends enjoying themselves. North was laughing like an idiot as he always did when drunk, pointedly ignoring Bunny as he nagged on about the Cossack looking down on Easter (how surprising...)

It was then that Jack had the naughtiest idea. An idea so naughty that it would get him on permanent Naughty list ten times over. He would grab some of North's snowglobes, and dump everyone into random places around the world. He'd have to do something about Bunny though, since he was the only one among them who could practically teleport with his own power, without using any such device... It would be especially hilarious to see how North would get himself back to the Workshop without his dear snowglobes, and it would be quite easy to get rid of all of the things the Bandit King could have on his person, given that the old man had stripped down to his underwear.

Grossed out as he had been at first, Jack was now quite thankful for it. And so will be North, when he finds out. Dingle, I have a feeling we're not in the Workshop anymore...

Tooth and Sandy wouldn't really be able to fly straight either, considering that Tooth was already stuck upside down through the railing, banging her head and yelling "Woohoo" at the top of her lungs with the most high-pitched voice he'd ever heard her make, and kicking her legs aimlessly... And Sandy wasn't far behind himself.

What was Sandy doing, one might have asked?

Oh, Sandy was flying in circles like he was high on sugar (which he most likely was)... and worse. He was speaking. Loud, and nonstop.

Now he knew why Sandy never spoke, Jack thought, covering his ears, which felt like they were bleeding out. It was more like he was yelling madly, if "chalkboard scratches", "high-pressure steam" and "truck horns" were an actual language. Among other horrible sounds he couldn't even begin to describe.

Hopefully he'd never speak again. In his presence, at least. And then Jack thought: "Maybe I should send him to Pitch's... Boogieman could use a nice gift like that after all". And maaaaaybe, just maaaaybe... Sandy would like the gift too, if he was right about the possible feelings the old former star could have for Pitch Black...

So, well:

Sandy goes to Pitch's lair to court the Nightmare King with his amazing singing voice.

North goes to the middle of the Amazon Rainforest to heat up a bit... (Was it hot down there, he recalled from his hangouts with the Saci-Trique)

Bunny... He knew it now! Bunny would go to Antarctica! Nothing like miles of ice to keep you from reaching Earth. Bun-Bun would sure love the cold too...

As for Tooth... Africa would do nicely. She would be able to fend off the hunters looking for her beautiful molt just fine, he was sure. She'd survived worse.

Amusing himself more and more in his thoughts, Jack decided he would never forgive himself if he didn't actually go through with it. And so he flew to the closet where North kept his snowglobes, trying to keep from laughing just yet, else the Guardians might catch on to his diabolical plans...

Except when he tried to fly, it seemed like, while the "cool stuff" didn't manage to get him stoned, it did manage to disorient him.

And so it just happened that Jack flew headfirst into the side of the closet, toppling it over and dropping the dozens upon dozens of snowglobes North kept there.

If it was because of the impact or because of the magic cupcakes that Jack blacked out then and failed to notice the snowglobes glowing blindingly bright, he'd never know...

 


	2. Crying Over Spilled Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Tsuji and Iggy! And may the torture begin!

Tsuji and Iggy were at the Dunkin' Donuts reopening, drinking coffee and discussing about Rise of The Brave Tangled Dragons. Iggy was appalled to hear from Tsuji that he didn't read her new HTTYD fanfic yet because he hadn't even watched How To Train Your Dragon yet and wasn't willing to spoil himself.

"How come you haven't watched it yet, Tsuji? C'mon, you gotta catch up!" Iggy spoke loudly over the dozens of people's voices, with a level of excitement that surpassed even her own standards. Understandable, considering the time she had spent without good quality coffee close to home. Tsuji had even tried bringing Iggy some Brazilian coffee, but somehow their teleportation always messed up the drink's molecules and effectively ruined the taste.

They were still working on fixing such travesty.

So Iggy had been counting down the days for this reopening, and she took the opportunity to invite Tsuji to come along and learn about the wonders of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, and so he packed his stuff as well as his passport (he was a foreigner after all), used his magical stylus to draw a space rift to New Jersey, then went looking for the nearest currency exchange store to get some dollars (teleporting is tricky and eats up most of one's magic reserves, especially when one talks intercontinental distances; and it was still one of Tsuji's few first times to NJ), and finally went to meet Iggy at the restaurant.

"Now, now, I'm gonna watch it soon. The first one, and then the sequel. I'll probably have all of next weekend off". Tsuji mused, in a sheepish tone. Iggy's suggestions had all been good so far, including the coffee he was drinking this very moment, so he was eager to watch it. "Even if the rest of the week is already making me wanna cry 'Uncle'...". Tsuji pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed. "In fact, this reminds me.." Tsuji lifted his head to face Iggy again. "Have you read Pandora Hearts yet?"

 

“No, because I’m a horrible person. But I will. I just keep forgetting.” Iggy smiled sheepishly, she had forgotten again but it wasn’t her fault! She did have a lot of things to do! She was having some sort of apocalypse in her mind, too many ideas too fast. She needed a way to process all of them. She had been using the watching the movies fic to help, but then she rewatched How to train your Dragon and got a bunch of spoilers about the second movie. On Tumblr, you are never safe from spoilers…

Iggy turned to Tsuji, flicking back that annoying piece of hair that kept falling in her face (This is why you don’t walk to Dunkin donuts when it is raining).She sipped her third cup of coffee and asked, “Hey, what do you want to do while you are in NJ?”

"Well..." Tsuji replied, sipping his second cup and pondering. He wanted to make the most of this trip before he had to head back home for the day. As he had mused before, teleportation was taxing. "I saw something about this ice skating rink at, what was it now... Duncan McDonald? I think I'd like to check it out later. And then there's Cape May Point State Park. I thought it would be fun to see at least one state park at my stay here, and I heard that it is known for the amounts of birds that migrate there. So. Yeah. I would like to go there and a few other places like..."

But Tsuji's plans for his visit were quickly forgotten the moment he felt his pocket shine and vibrate. "Oh, just a sec, it's probably my cellphone... wait, cellphone? But how...?" Tsuji's cellphone shouldn't be picking up American signals (he set it that way, lest the international roaming taxes bankrupted him in about an hour), and he was pretty sure he had turned off all of his alarms... this time (Tsuji took naps during the day on occasion, sometimes out of sheer laziness, other times because the morning really had been that awful, and if he forgot to turn them off every now and then, well...). So it was with uncertainty that Tsuji set his coffee aside and reached down for his pocket.

Iggy was only paying half-attention at Tsuji by then, given that she felt her own magical feather pen vibrate around the same time Tsuji felt his pocket. Unlike Tsuji, who mistook it for his cellphone at first, though, she immediately sensed the magical pattern that indicated her magical feather pen was reacting to something. Ha. Amateurs. Nah, not really, despite Tsuji’s lack of knowledge, he was really good at this stuff. Not Kayasurin level though, no one would ever reach that level (Sometimes Iggy and Tsuji both swear that Kaya is a witch; it is the only possible solution; it also probably explained the dragon teeth). The fact Iggy knew about the disturbance probably had to do with the fact that Iggy had more experience with her magical writing device than Tsuji did, Iggy thought, pulling out her pen and hiding it under the table, away from curious eyes.

But while Tsuji was still new to writing and the magic associated with it, having managed to earn his artifact and having been initiated as a writer no longer than a few days prior, he wasn't dumb. He quickly deduced, since he couldn't sense the magic yet, it was his magical stylus, judging from the way Iggy shot a confused and worried glance at him and the fact that it couldn't be his cellphone. And when he actually pulled his stylus out of his pocket and saw it glowing and vibrating in his hands, the way he saw a similar glow coming from Iggy's lap indicated she had sensed something was amiss herself.

Had it been only Tsuji's stylus, it could pass off as some sort of new magical discovery or maybe one of his beginner's fumbles. But if Iggy too saw a problem with her magical feather pen at the same time... the matter probably wasn't that simple.

"What the...?" It was all Tsuji managed to mutter before both Tsuji and Iggy saw everything turn into a nauseating swirl of light and color and felt themselves fall freely…

 

**GuardiantortureGuardiantortureGuardiantorture**

The spinning and flashes eventually stopped.  
“Ow. What the..” Iggy trailed off as she clutched her head, seeing bright blinding colors fade as her feet touched the hard wood flooring and she fell. She screeched - yes, I kid you not - as she got an intense throbbing in her head like she was hit by a sledge hammer. She stumbled to her feet, hearing crunching glass beneath her feet. In her sensitive world traveling ears, it was nails across a chalkboard.

Damn, Iggy thought as she stumbled around, It’s like the ultimate migraine of the century.

She grabbed hold of a nearby desk and, shielding her eyes as they finally cleared up properly, saw Tsuiji was also trying to recover from what had just happen. He was on the other side of the room, struggling to stand.

My head, Tsuji thought, did it get hit by a wrecking ball?

Iggy walked over slowly, getting past the effects of the stupid traveling through universes sickness, and grabbed Tsuji by the arm to hoist him up to his full height (Which was hard because he was taller and bigger than her). Tsuji darted his eyes around the room once he was standing and over the pain, leaving a lingering question on his mind as he saw Jack Frost passed out of the floor - Tsuji was really confused about that - a bunch of shattered glass, spilled coffee - wait, what?! - and Iggy, who seemed to take the travel to where they were wwwaaayyyy harder than he did.

“Are you okay?” Tsuji asked an Iggy who was squeezing her eyes tight and seemed to scrunch her whole face even tighter at the sound of his voice.

“Nope, I thought I wasn’t before because we had gone through universes to get here and that gave me the most evil headache ever in the history of mankind" Iggy replied through clenched teeth. "But now I know I’m not okay because of my spilled coffee.”

"Spilled...?" Tsuji looked down at himself, and grimaced.

He knew it. It _was_ something awful! His _coffee_! It had been on the way to his blissful taste buds... and now the taste buds be sad, for their precious coffee was now all over his sweater, where it shouldn't have been, staining his chest and belly and leaving an awful sensation of hot, wet cloth on his skin... Of course, that was the least of his frustrations, because, well, his coffee!

Tsuji brought a hand to clutch his face in exasperation, breathing heavily. "No. Oh, no. Oh no, man, no. Oh no. Oh! No. Oh no..." He chanted madly, trying to keep some semblance of calm. He succeeded for all of fifteen seconds.

"DAAAAAAAMM-" He started yelling angrily…  
And then had to hastily clap his mouth shut as he noticed Iggy wincing in pain in response. "Oh my God, Iggy..." He then temporarily forgot about his anger to check his agonizing friend, suffering with the effects of her headache, looking too disoriented to even do something about it. So Tsuji decided it was up to him to do something.

So he started by holding Iggy by the shoulders. "Iggy", he called gently. "Hang in there, I'll try something to make it better, okay?". At her affirmative nod, he pulled out his stylus, placed the tip near the center of her forehead, and concentrated, drawing in his magic. "It might feel a bit ticklish, but be sure to stay still..." Then he drew a short diagonal stroke on her forehead, silvery magic pouring across the trail of his magical tool, and then a similar one parallel to it. Then he drew a few more until the silver-colored strokes of energy formed the 治 Kanji on Iggy's forehead (from the verb _naosu_ ; to heal, to cure).

Tsuji then lowered his stylus and waited for the Kanji to take effect. Even if Tsuji could theoretically use his magic in any way he wanted, he found out rather quickly that his specialty appeared to be "Kanji" (other forms of magic... were best left unsaid). So he'd magically write a Kanji or series of Kanji to achieve the effect he wanted, based on the meaning of the ideograms he wrote. In other words, it was the brand of magic that worked out the best for him, even if Iggy had insisted that it was all in his head and he didn't have to resort to such a roundabout way to do effective magic when she heard about it; so this was the best he could do right then.

The Kanji then slowly faded into ripples on Iggy's forehead, easing some of her pain, but not all of it.

“Hey Tsuji,” Iggy was way better, so she stood tall (as she could, being only around five foot two was kinda sad) and faced the unconscious Jack Frost. “What the hell happened?”

Seriously. Answers would be had! She and Tsuji were being all peaceful and BAM- here they were. Their cups laid on the glass shard-covered ground, coffee spilled on Tsuji and, now that Iggy took time to notice, there was a little on her.

“What the Fuck!?” Iggy was way over that migraine and was now realizing the extent of her anger. “We were drinking coffee- and then this little shit time and space traveled us?! What the freaking crap? Your soaked in coffee T! _Coffee_! The awesome freaking coffee. And the headache. WHAT- there isn’t even a good reason- why on _Earth_ \- my coffee!!!!!! This is not cool, not cool at all. AND THAT WAS NOT A PUN!” She added, pointing at the damned frost sprite laying unconscious near them both. Said sprite merely grunted in response.

Tsuji watched in semi-glee and horror as Iggy turned to the one and only Jack Frost who laid there, not knowing the horrors that would await him when he woke up. Iggy was not a person to make mad, she had magic and traveled around for laughs and giggles, playing pranks and getting revenge in the most evil of ways. However, Iggy has one singular love: Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks coffee. Tsuji has seen Iggy beat the everloving crap out of people just for touching her coffee.

That covered the whole horror for Jack thing, but why was Tsuji gleeful? Because he was going to be there. Every. Freaking. Step. He too was going to be plotting his revenge with Iggy. they had done it hundreds of times and they were unstoppable. Thousands of opponents had lost to them. Back when Tsuji had been a commenter, he had had a megaphone instead of a stylus, and had seen many adventures. He had gone on adventures, not really doing magical things, but helping out from the sidelines. That was how he had met Iggy, a newbie on Archive of our own. Tsuji was glad to get a chance to get and be equally involved in this game of revenge. He was ready for some fun filled adventure with his friend and new status as a fanfictioner. And Tsuji knew every trick in the book from observing, he had helped a great many people, and Iggy had done many things. So, now Tsuji’s horror was replaced with something else.

Pity for all the souls who had crossed their paths.

Pity for Jack Frost and the Guardians.

They would all pay. Iggy had officially put it in her "Things Iggy Has Declared" book.

They were so going to get revenge, and it would be, figuratively, a slaughter. Tsuji couldn’t wait. Tsuji went over and placed a hand on Iggy’s shoulder to stop her mindless ranting about their coffee. They were mad, but they had to do this with a slightly clear head. Iggy turned to Tsuji with a look that said ‘why are you interrupting my mindless anger?’

“Iggy, what are we going to do?” Tsuji asked calmly as Iggy stopped and blinked. She had kinda been considering killing… But it was Jack Frost, and she really wanted to see Jackrabbit happen. Iggy thought a moment. They couldn't leave the idiot of the century (actually, past three centuries) here to fend for himself. They needed to give a proper punishment, but that would involve actually knowing what happened. Iggy turned to Tsuji and asked, “Hey, T, do you know exactly what happened?”

“No, but there are a lot of broken snowglobes and a Jack Frost, so we can assume he did play some blame.” Tsuji said, coming to such realizations himself, “But if someone was responsibly watching him, this wouldn’t have happened. So where are the Guardians? Shouldn’t they be here?”

“Hmmmm. Perhaps we should go to the main meeting room for answers?” Iggy responded.

“Sounds like a good plan, but what do we do with him?” Tsuji considered their options with Iggy. They could carry him, it wasn’t like there was a problem with his weight; Jack was as light as a feather.There, surely, were easier and faster ways. Like magic.

“What if I use the 空中浮遊 ( _kuuchuufuyuu_ ) spell?" Tsuji offered. 空中浮遊 was the Kanji for levitation.

“I like it. Nice and simple. And there is no way I want to carry him.” Iggy was not known for her ability to lift stuff. She was small and had next to no muscle. Just sad skinny arms. She could lift Jack, but… work. They could use the yetis, but, the yetis had a job. She prefers magic over such mortally stupid stuff. She had magic for a reason, and Tsuji was getting better with his magic. And she wanted to save her energy for the revenge and those matters.

“Okay, if you are fine with it.” Tsuji performed the spell with a silvery glow that caused Jack to levitate a few feet in the air. The real question, though, was if it would follow Tsuji where he went, after all, that was the goal. Tsuji took a few steps around the room and watched in fascination as Jack (unknowingly) floated around next to him.

Iggy stood by smirking and mockingly said, “T, that looks like some freaky exorcist shit.”

Tsuji chuckled a bit and tried to defend himself, “I had to! There was no way either of us was going to carry him.”

“True, true.” Iggy grinned and gestured to the door. “Time to make our appearance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsuji's Atogaki: So, here we are! We're not happy writers when our coffee is staining our clothes instead of on our taste buds and stomachs where it's supposed to be. And Iggy's migraine... Let's say everyone will suffer the consequences *grin*.
> 
> We also took the liberty of establishing a whole magical leveling system for our fictional selves, which you should be seeing in following chapters. This should make things all the more interesting... 
> 
> Iggy: Tsuji is a freaking Writing Ninja. I swear. I turn my back after writing only two paragraphs, and he writes a page. WTF. Well, I caught up, but, damn. I don't know why Tsuji and I started to ramble on about Kayasurin being the most powerful wizardy person... I think I started it. But, yeah. And I am really mad at Jack. My coffee, transporting me, migraines... Well, expect revenge and pairing Jack and Bunny. It'll be more hinted at in chapter 3. I couldn't resist comparing exorcist stuff to that.


	3. Setting Up The Chess Board

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The four guardians were having a pretty amazing time four hours ago. Singing, giggling, talking, flying, being irresponsible, and whatnot. Sure, they didn’t remember most of it, but Sandy remembered something about singing, North and Bunny remembered drinking and arguing, and Tooth remembered something about falling into a crate of toys, but it was fuzzy. Ironically, it was the guardian of memories that remembered the least.

Now?

Now Tooth was having a really hard time getting out of the crate, she kept falling and couldn’t fly straight. She was seriously getting annoyed. She was having some serious nausea and queasiness. Sandy’s throat hurt, and he was seriously grumpy. He had had a lot of nightmares, because he always gets nightmares when ever he drinks. Although nightmares aren’t that bad with Pitch… No, mind out of the gutter! Sandy was starting to question why he had been drunk. The last thing he remembered was cupcakes, and then it got weird. Now, North was questioning why he was naked, holding a lot of vodka and cupcakes, but, he knew by now it was better not to question things like that. It was safe to say Nicolas St. North had had a lot of hangovers, so he was fine with this. Bunny wasn’t really questioning much, he had joined in a lot of  North’s drinking games and he knew why everyone had been drugged, since he did it, but he was wondering where was Frostbite?

There were a lot of crumbs, but no cupcakes. They must have all been eaten. Frostbite hadn't missed out on eating some of them himself, Bunny remembered vaguely. To think he, E. Aster Bunnymund, former Pooka soldier of the Golden Age and Guardian of Hope, would be indulging himself on trying to prank his mates... But Drongo Frost had a knack for riling him up in ways he couldn't begin to understand and he wasn't about to just let the hoon waltz into his life, do his thing and get away with it, no... So today he had decided he'd give the daft hoon a dose of his own medicine.

Bunny's head chose that moment to ache a little harder, wrenching him out of his thoughts. Ow. Water was in order. Lots of it. He also felt something on his lips, and reached his paw to wipe it off, only to find chocolate smudges on his fur. Damn, he must have eaten some of his own "surprise cupcakes" in his drunken haze... He hadn't meant to, but North had brought out the vodka and called him a "sissy lightweight"... And then Bunny wasn't thinking straight anymore.

“North, where is the gumby we call Frost?” Bunny averted his gaze from North’s underwear clad body (ew) and looked over to the table where the cupcakes had been, now flipped over. He pointedly acted like he wasn't expecting to see the effect of his prank on their token prankster teammate; because something good should have come out of this whole fiasco, right?

“I don’t know. Yetis, clothing!” North bellowed, standing, and at that moment, Tooth fell out of the toy crate. "Ow", she yelped, pushing herself up to a seated position, and looked around the room. Her sight was only slightly blurry, so she was able to make out Sandy floating wobbly here, the tables and their seats flipped over, Bunny supporting himself on the sole piece of furniture in the room that was still upright and clutching his head, the rug completely displaced, cupcake crumbles and broken bottles all over the floor... and a naked North walking around the room in a swaying pace. The idiot! Didn't he know he was naked and barefoot and might step on a shard? Those things were everywhere!

“North, put on some clothes!” Tooth was mortified after she got over the safety issue. She averted her purple eyes at the ground for the sake of modesty as the yetis came in with red and black, very large, North sized clothes. She did not look up until those clothes were on.

When North was fully clothed, he darted his eyes around the room. "Боже мой!" North exclaimed as he took in the mess the room was in. Well, time to evacuate the room and call in the yetis again! “Yetis. Clean.”

And then the door swung open. But it wasn't the yetis coming in.

No. It was a pair of complete strangers, and Jack Frost. Who seemed unconscious even as he floated in the air. Weird... Was Jack supposed to float like that even in his sleep?

“Hey T, can I say the line?” the blonde short girl asked as she adjusted her black jacket.

"Make the honors, Iggy!" Tsuji replied while wiping the wetness on his chest under his gray sweater, then turned to face the Guardians, a mischievous grin on his face. Jack just floated next to him, not knowing what was happening or who he had just angered. He was blissfully unaware, if you can call being knocked out blissful. But compared to the wrath of Iggy and Tsuji, it was blissful.

Iggy adopted a serious face, crossed her arms, and adjusted her stance. She looked kinda scary, the girl named Iggy. Iggy glared at the Guardians and said in a voice that could kill, “Shit just got real for the bastards who killed my coffee. I want answers. Now.”

Tsuji could have corrected Iggy ("Our coffee!"), but he didn't mind it that much, so instead he just stood there, keeping from laughing at the Guardians' impending demise. Also, he didn't want to rile Iggy up - not toward him, that was - but details.

The Guardians were understandably confused and just wanted to rest for a bit after what they had just experienced. North, ever so oblivious, just stepped forward and asked, “Het, could you tell us your names, and could we have Jack? Are you his friends?”

Tsuji 's smile widened, if that was possible, and the girl named Iggy looked like she didn’t know whether to punch something or roll on the floor laughing. So she took a third option and laughed sarcastically, in a very "you wish" manner. “Please, I am way cooler than Jack Frost.. Oh, come on! No pun intended!”

Tsuji decided to come into the ‘conversation’ (more like death sentence to Iggy) and said, “No, we are not friends of Jack Frost. But we do know him. And all of you Guardians.”

“What, are you stalking us?” Bunny said, crossing his arms while Sandy floated next to him.

"Oh, Bunny, spare me!" Tsuji replied, not at all losing his calm. He looked very much like the Cheshire Cat, his smile showing an amusement that was probably real, but also hiding so many things. The Guardians felt like they didn't want to find out what those things were. "We hardly need to stoop so low to know about you guys..." He drawled on with an unnervingly calm voice.

“Sorry, but we have a reputation, and, we are here for something very important. It’s a matter of life or death. Something terrible, something horrifying, something so horrid, it will blow your mind.” Iggy said, with a look that made her seem like she was gazing into their souls and knowing their deepest darkest secrets. She probably was looking into their souls.

"What my esteemed friend here is trying to say is..." He gestured to his sweater, which was drenched in something on the front. "We were unceremoniously dropped-”

“Into this shit hole-” Iggy interrupted for a moment and let Tsuji continue.

"-into North's Workshop..." He briefly leaned his head towards North for emphasis, and closed his eyes "And we lost our precious, precious coffee in the process.”

“And found an unconscious Jack Frost. And, on the way here, I stepped on glass and I got a serious headache!” Iggy, yet again, interrupted. Tsuji just stood silent, with that expression of his that was a mockery of serenity, probably meant to unsettle and unnerve, directed at the Guardians, while he allowed Iggy to vent out her frustrations. The girl was mad, with reason.

When she was finished, though, he tilted his head sideways and launched a glare that seemed like it could pin all of the Guardians to the wall like flies, flashing a manic smile and ever so slightly raising his voice, showing a row of shark teeth as he spoke. "And I reckon you guys are somehow responsible for this!". The Guardians, predictably, shuddered. They couldn't know which one of the two was scarier: the enraged girl showing death with her eyes, or the creepy and potentially insane guy.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Tooth said fluttering nervously closer to Iggy and Tsuji, who had settled back into his creepy "serene" expression. “We haven’t done anything.”

“I have to agree with Tooth, we have not done anything, ya drongos.” Bunny twitched nervously, hoping that the two did not catch on. They, of course, did. Come’on, they are magical. They know everything, Tsuji and Iggy (Iggy who is typing realizes that sounds stalkery).

“I see that… You did something, Evisaltionzaditalaiah Aster Bunnymund.” Iggy said with her all-knowing knowledge. Bunny recoiled, looking flat out horrified that someone knew his name and they could pronounce it. No one on earth could pronounce his name; only himself, Pitch, and Sandy, Sandy who couldn’t even speak. Well, Sandy could speak if he wanted too, but that would wake up the kids. And, Sandy had been singing for a few hours straight not too long ago.

“That’s your name?” North chimed in. He had not known Bunny’s name, neither had Tooth. Only Sandy had known, because they went back a long way.

................

"You know, Iggy..." Tsuji chimed in again. "I suppose we won't really be able to figure out this whole mess until all pieces are on the board." He said, still with that unnatural calm that frightened, and gestured to the unconscious Jack floating beside him. Besides, the implication that they were mere game pieces to them felt rather demeaning. "So I believe it's time for Jack Frost to wake up, don't you think?"

“Yep!” Iggy waved her pen feather (something the Guardians were just now noticing) and drew a symbol in a glowing white color, leaving streaks that made the symbols おきる. They were pronounced okiru and meant, in Japanese, to wake up, to rise, to happen. They floated in the air for a moment before falling onto Jack and disappearing.

Jack woke up with gasping breaths, really confused, wait. Was he sleep flying again? It did happen sometimes. Ow. His spine really hurt, why, wasn’t he supposed to be at the meeting? The memories flooded Jack as he stopped levitating and fell to the floor in a sitting position. He wasn’t thinking of who those two people were, why he was floating, or that he had glass on himself. The first thing that came to mind was his plan didn’t work.

Well, Jack thought, I’ll just do it next time. And make it way better, or I can bookmark it in the ‘Book of Pranks’.

“Yeah, Book of Pranks for sure,” Jack muttered then said, “Can someone tell me why I’m on the floor next to a guy in a grey sweater, and a girl holding a feather?” The two people next to Jack ignored him and his antics. The Guardians just shrugged, not really knowing what was happening.

"Hiragana, eh, Iggy?" Tsuji commented, feeling somewhat proud of his friend's progress. "I imagine the effect is much rougher, since hiragana is a simpler alphabet than Kanji is... but it did the job, so I'll give you that." As friends and fellow magic apprentices, Tsuji and Iggy helped each other with the magic subjects they each were good at. Tsuji helped Iggy with Japanese magics, while she helped him with Western magics. Of course, Iggy's relative seniority meant she had a far easier time with the "mutual help" deal than he did...

“Yes, because it's awesome.” Iggy said grinning; she didn’t care if it was simple, it was awesomely fun. It wasn’t the preferred style of the magic world, but it was hers. Didn’t Kayasurin use... What style did Kayasurin use? Iggy honestly did not remember. Iggy pondered that for a solid minute while Tsuji started to interrogate people. And from the looks of what Tsuji was doing, it was getting serious.

"Sooooo... Jack." Tsuji turned to the frost sprite, and at the same time he brought up his stylus to his own chest, where the coffee stain was. "Would you tell us what were you doing near that closet with the broken snowglobes?" He asked Jack, while picking up his Android to check out the Kanji he was looking for on the Kabuto app. He knew Japanese, true, but he didn't know all 50,000 Kanji there were, so.

He then carefully wrote 奇麗 (kirei; pretty, clean, tidy) on his sweater and pocketed his cellphone again.  Seconds later, the writing had vanished, along with most of the stain. Jack just watched in fascination. (As did Tsuji, he was still unused to that)

“It is much needed information.” Iggy added in, after realizing she had no idea what style Kayasurin used.

“What? Who, me?” Jack said, playing the innocent act. “I wasn’t doing anything.”

Yeah right, Iggy thought. A lesser person might have believed him (North). Not Tsuji and Iggy. They were above such levels of idiocy. They were, after all, fanfictioners who used magic. You had to be at least a bit mature to do that.

"Jaaaaaack, don't make me cast 実 (jitsu; truth) on you..." Tsuji threatened. "You wouldn’t want your deepest secrets spilled out for everyone to hear, now would you?" He patted Jack's shoulder in an "amicable" gesture.

“That’s a kinda scary, disturbing, creepy, and very stalkery thing to say.” Jack said, smirking arrogantly. Bunny also smiled from where he was. The two brumbies knew stuff they shouldn't, true. But so far they had only performed low-level magic. A truth spell was a difficult one to perform, and far above what they had displayed. The bloke hadn't even managed to clean his sweater properly, for one. And just like he had commented, waking spells like the one the sheila had cast on Jack were supposed to be a lot more subtle in their effects.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Iggy frowned. They were not stalkers. They just knew a lot of things because they were awesome. Not stalkers.

“What are you going to do? Conjure up a balloon shaped like a puppy?” Jack was seriously crossing some lines. If he stepped wrong again, Iggy would be tempted to lock him in a fridge, throw it into the ocean, and get him out five hundred years later. Or Tsuji would resort to the truth spell. And knowing Tsuji and Iggy, neither option would go over very well.

"Excuse me? Are you calling us party clowns?" Yep, Tsuji was mad. That amazingly creepy smiley face of his showed it. The smile also kinda creeped Iggy out, so that was a feat. A major feat.

"I'll just overlook that and ask again." Tsuji said after a deep breath. Jack was an expert at avoiding questions, shifting attention from where he didn't want it to be and overall pissing off people. Tsuji wasn't about to fall for a trick he could see coming. "What. Were. You. Doing?"

“I would answer that.” Iggy added. "You do realize you haven't got your staff on you, right?"

Jack stepped away from the two strangers. He was starting to panic a bit but then remembered the other Guardians were there and wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Already, North was picking up his swords.

"OY!" Bunny yelled, boomerangs in hand, or paw, if you prefer."If ya drongos threaten one of us, ya threaten all of us!" He then hopped over to Jack's side protectively.

“Come on.” Iggy said. “It’s pretty obvious he did it.”

“We don’t even understand this!” Tooth said fluttering up a few feet. “What are you accusing him of? This must be a misunderstanding, right Jack?”

"Oh, we're accusing him of high treason and blasphemy, for starters!" Iggy spat, thinking back to... the spilled coffee! “And for his crimes, I demand revenge!”

“We don’t even know ya!” Bunny argued back. The Guardians had never met these people, and although Bunny knew Frostbite had to have done something, there was no reason to let him be bullied by some strangers, even if it was serious. Things quickly derailed to an argument in which everyone spoke over each other. Sandy was ignored (like he usually was in arguments), Iggy's migraine was starting to act up again from all the stress, Bunny was loudly defending Jack with North and Tooth, and even Tsuji was starting to develop a headache by now, even if his had no relation to migraines of any kind.

“Leave him alone!”

“My coffee!”

“No need for violence!”

“Hey! He started it!”

"I told you, I didn't do anything!"

“Headaches are not my forte!”

Sandy eventually get fed up with this pointless blame game. It was pretty much clear that everyone here was at fault, even if he didn’t know why. Sandy walked over to where the Yetis kept the musical instruments and tried to find one that was loud enough to suit his needs. Guitar, nope; it was an electric one and would take too long to set up. Violin, nope; someone might not like having their violin screeched. Piano, nope; too heavy, and not loud enough. A gong. Now that could work, even if it was beyond him what North would have a gong for.

Sandy picked up the gong, brought it back with him to the meeting room - where the argument hadn't died down the least bit, he thought, and sighed - and used it, the room suddenly going silent at the agitated man of sand. The only noise was the echo of the instrument throughout the North pole. All eyes were on Sandy, who started to sign very fast. The gist of it was, however, for them to shut up, sit down, set down all weapons, and stop it and let Sandy ‘speak’.  He needed everyone to be calm for this too, so like angry little children, they unhappily did what they were told. Many people grumbled, but everyone did as they were told and sat down.

Sandy then started signing again, more slowly now that the overall mood had been somewhat placated. Basically, he told everyone they needed to have a proper reconstitution of what had happened. From the moment the cupcakes had been served all the way to - amusingly enough, represented by an angry boy and girl with pens and coffee in their hands - Iggy and Tsuji's arrival in the meeting room.

Bunny cringed slightly on his seat at that, hoping to not have been noticed. Talking about the events prior would probably lead to his outing as the maker of the "spiked" cupcakes. He hadn't expected things to get so out of hand as they had. He just thought it would be a prank and he would get back at Frostbite, not that two unreasonably mad people would be transported to the pole.

It started with North. "Da, meeting went well enough, and after there were cupcakes. After that, we all woke, meeting room was wreck, Jack was gone and then strange young mages came in with Jack in tow." Everyone gave North looks that ranged from amused (Jack, Tsuji) and awkward (Tooth) to impatient (Bunny, Iggy and Sandy). Right. North hadn't been much help at all.

Bunny was second. "Um, I... Remember eating a coupla' those." He gestured to the wrapping and crumbs on the floor. He would deny it to the bitter end, he decided. And then wondered if that was how Jack felt with every prank he was caught at, but no one needed to know that. "And then... North being a gumby and speakin' down on Easter like he always does, and challengin' me to those insane vodka contests-"

"If it was so stupid, why did you agree to it?" Jack butted in, the galah larrikin. Jack did have a point, but no one really wanted him instigating since this was a serious matter.

"Rack off, Frostbite!" Aster shushed Jack sharply, and Sandy too sent a chiding look at the frost sprite. "Anyway, then we must have carked out at some point, 'cause we woke up with the worst hangover and these two drongos came through the door with Frostbite. Then you were say’in something about coffee." He gestured to Tsuji and Iggy, and then placed his hand on his head, because ouch. Headache. He hoped he could somehow frame the whole incident on the drink.

He couldn't even begin to think how he'd do that, but then, he was the Guardian of Hope. There must be a way out of this, right? He had survived Pitch about three times by now.

Next up was Tooth. "I remember... cupcakes, and then being stuck in the railing. And that crate box. And then I woke up. We all were in the middle of waking up when you two-" She gestured to Tsuji and Iggy. "-came in. The rest..."

"Haaaaah!" Iggy grumbled loudly, facepalming and pulling down on the skin in exasperation. "This is going nowhere! Ugh, can’t we just get mindless revenge?" Sandy shot her the same annoyed look he did Jack for the interruption.

Tsuji, who looked like he was pondering for a while, said. "Mmmmm... I think it's too early to say that. I have a theory."

"What do you mean?" Everyone turned to look at him.

"Well..." And there he went with his verbal tic again. "It sounds to me like everyone got kinda out of it right after they ate some cupcakes. Geez, did someone drug those or something?" Tsuji joked, not noticing just yet how close to the truth he was. Bunny did notice, which was why he felt his stomach drop.

"What?" Iggy asked incredulously. "What do I care about some stupid cupcakes, T? My coffee, my most amazing coffee, your coffee-"

"Now, now, Iggy. I know you're furious. I'm furious too, but think about it..." Tsuji tried to appease her. He was starting to realize what had transpired. Iggy just crossed her arms in a show of impatience. "Jack was unconscious when we found him, and so were the Guardians just a few minutes ago. North and Bunny had some drinks, but Jack, Sandy and Tooth didn't, so the drinks are out. I think we could assume then that the cupcakes were what actually started all this." Bunny cursed mentally. There went his plan...

"Ooooohhh..." Iggy uttered the forbidden word. ‘Oh’ was the word she almost always used when she typed and it was a very annoying habit. "I think I get the idea..." That she did, Bunny thought. He didn't like it, of course. Iggy hardened her gaze into her ‘I-am-the-face-you-see-in-hell’ look.

Bunny felt his stomach drop even more than before when Sandy flashed a "correct" sign, then a cupcake sign and finally stopped at an interrogation mark, shrugging to demonstrate his confusion. It was all as good as lost now. If they got to the cupcakes, it was a matter of time before they traced them back to him. Well, strewth. So much for a prank...

"So, who was it that brought those cupcakes to the room?" Iggy turned to face the Guardians, asking the question Bunny had dreaded the most, but he was already expecting it by then. Iggy and Tsuji had an idea about who it was, but didn’t know for sure.

“Bunny did.” Jack said a grin splitting onto his face.

“Son of a bitch!” Iggy and Bunny said at the same time, Iggy turning to Bunny and Bunny turning to Jack. Bunny was likely the culprit, and Jack, who just looked back at Bunny with a smug expression, was a traitorous little shit. And how did Jack know anyway? He made sure no one knew he was the one to bring them..

Realizing what he'd just done, Bunny slapped his muzzle shut, eyes bugged out. Damn, damn and triple damn. If he had a chance before, he had just ruined it at that moment.

"Bunny?" North asked. He had been one of the last to arrive to the meeting, since it's the end of the year and Christmas is fast approaching, and had just assumed the Yetis had brought the cupcakes when he saw them on the table. He and Tooth looked at the Guardian of Hope with shocked disbelief that their most serious friend would...? "Can you explain yourself, old friend?"

"Er... I..." He uncovered his muzzle and still tried coming up with some explanation on the fly, but none came to his mind. It was over. All attention was on him now, and he had just basically done them the favor of outing himself... So he just sighed and raised his paws in surrender. "Alright, ya got me. I was the one who did it."

“Son of a haggard troll eating-” Iggy shouted while North, Tooth and Sandy gasped at Bunny, looking even more surprised.

“Iggy! Language!” Tsuji said.

"Who gives a flying fuck about language?" Iggy replied. "Everyone here is old enough to deal with some swearing!" She reasoned, pointedly ignoring the realization that she was actually the youngest person in the room, standing at 15 years old, while Tsuji was 20, and of course, the Guardians pushed the scales into the centuries and millennia. Goddammit.

Tsuji rolled his eyes, and turned to look at Bunny with a serious face. "So... How'd you do it?"

"Easy enough. Phil always brings something for everyone to snack on during the Guardian meetings, ya know. And I'm always the first to arrive at this time of the year." The Guardians nodded in acknowledgement. At the end of the year North is busy with Christmas and Bunny's still on his down time.

"So it was as simple as waiting for Phil to bring the snacks, dumping them into one of my tunnels and replacing them with the cupcakes." Bunny shrugged. That was it, really. Not like he's some evil genius or anything.

"And Ah woulda have gotten a'way if it wasn't fer these meddlin' kids!" Jack said in a poor imitation of Bunny's Aussie accent, gesturing to Tsuji and Iggy. He was all too delighted about this whole mess, earning himself a scowl from everyone else in the room. But one doesn't get to be a great prankster by letting people's disapprovement get to them, so he just ignored it. "Seriously, Bun-Bun. You have no technique at all!"

"Fair dinkum? And why did ya eat those cupcakes if ya knew I was up to somethin' with them?" Bunny asked Jack, trying to rhetorically trip him up.

Jack had his answer ready on his lips, though. "You know my body is weird, Cottontail." He reminded Bunny. It wasn't a surprise to any of the Guardians by this point. He had already come around to telling them about his body's particular condition, though not yet about the circumstances from his past life that led to it, opting instead to claim he didn't know why it was. "I can just will my body to shut down and not digest anything if I want to. So I knew that wouldn't work on me."

Unlike Bunny, though, Iggy didn't fail to verbally trip Jack up. "Doesn't knowing what Bunny would do in advance make you partly responsible for him drugging everyone, too?" She said smirking, quickly turning North, Tooth and Sandy's attention on Jack instead. Oh crap, the eternal teenager thought. Didn't think this one through.

"Jack?"

**  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsuji: Whoa. This chapter was longer than I expected. Anyway, the boys are pretty much busted and will soon meet their punishment. (One could say it would be having us as their matchmakers. I'd say that doesn't count because they'd be thanking us for it, if only later on...)
> 
> Also, decided to try my hand at being intellectual and put in some sorta meaningful titles for the chapters. ;)
> 
> Iggy: This was fun. Now to political analogies in english.... yay.


	4. Avalanche

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Jack felt like tensing all over, but between his "special" body and his determination to keep his trickster reputation going, he managed not to let it show even as every set of eyes focused on him. Like a good trickster, he would try to get away with his deeds until the bitter end (thankfully "bitter" in the metaphorical, no-fun sense).

“Soooooooo.” Iggy said long and drawn out. “When shall we begin the punishments?”

"Punishments?" He tried for innocent, still feeling the force of six angry gazes on him. "What the hell are you guys talking about? I did nothing, remember? I was a perfect frosted angel." Everyone doubted that Jack was a perfect angel who did nothing wrong, but they needed to move on with this. They had been doing this for, what, a hour?

"Da", North said in an upset tone. North had a frown on his face. "That is problem. You knew and you did nothing." He bellowed out the last tone. Tooth and Sandy's scowls deepened, if that was possible.

"S' not all, Frostbite." Bunny couldn't exactly be mad at Jack for the same reason as North, but he wouldn't give up on getting back at him, even more so now that he had given Bunny away. "Yer sure responsible for these two showin' up, ya know." He gestured to Iggy and Tsuji, whose scowls were now deepening as well, then proceeded to repeat the same question Jack had avoided multiple times so far.

"What have you been doin' there?" Jack looked to the left, still playing the innocent act. He looked up at everyone with big blue innocent eyes and a pout, causing all the guardians to almost give in.

“I have no idea.”

“Jaaaaack, don’t make Tsuji use magic to get it out of you.” The guardians _almost_ gave in. Not Tsuji or Iggy. "There were broken snowglobes and snowflakes when we got here, and you were there too. What were you planning to do?"

"What, I'm supposed to remember? I was drugged by the March Hare here just like everyone else..." Jack's expression and the way he put his hand on his chest in an offended manner all but screamed 'Drama Queen'. Oh, no, Frostbite wasn't about to blame him for everything, Bunny thought. "I thought ya said ya weren't gonna digest them?" Also... March Hare?

"Yeah, I wasn't going to, alright..." Jack, quick-witted as always, gestured placatingly with his hands to gain time to figure out his next excuse. "But then I saw you guys were just having a good time and not, say, transforming into helium-voiced elves or something, so I decided to join the fun. Cut me some slack here, Cottontail."

Now that was a stalemate, the Guardians thought. If Jack was telling the truth, there really was the possibility he wouldn't remember it. And then there would be nothing they could do to convict him. Tooth, though... seemed to be unusually concerned. "Jack!" She said in an alarmed tone, shifting nervously in her chair. "If memory is the problem, I- I can help with that, you know."

"If it comes to that, the two of us can help, too." Tsuji smiled from his chair, waving his stylus for emphasis. Iggy too smiled, and waved her pen. They weren't really buying Jack's story at all, but they'd make things work out one way or another. They, regardless of their annoyance at the Guardians, were willing to work together to get answers… and then, when they had the answers, they could go and get revenge. Bunny nodded to that. If Jack really didn't remember, it wouldn't be that difficult to jolt his memory. The event in question was as recent as it could get, and his magic cupcakes hadn't been that potent. He hadn't been planning to put everyone into a coma, after all… Besides, there _had_ to be a prank involved, because... "Even if ya say ya don't remember, Ice Block, ya wouldn't be goin' for North's snowglobe closet by _accident_. Ya had to slip past the yetis, cuz' they don't just let anybody in like that." Other than North, anyway... Jack gulped. It was all a conspiracy of the universe against him, it had to be.

“Hey, Bunny makes a valid point.” Iggy said, crossing her arms across her chest, smirking. “How did you do that Jack? Usually, you can’t get past the yetis when you _aren’t_ intoxicated. So how would you even manage that? There is a lot of planning that goes into your pranks, Mr. Walking Dead.”

“Walking Dead?” asked Tooth in a befuddled voice. They didn’t know about Jack drowning yet.

"It's a long story that's none of your business!" Jack pointed to Iggy. He was feeling a chill in his gut, one that didn't have anything to do with his powers. These two strangers really knew more than they were letting on...

"Good. I guess we can move on to what actually is, then." Tsuji added, taking Jack by surprise as he found himself cornered once more. "If you really don't remember, we'll be more than eager to help you. If not, I guess you could spill the beans and save us all the headache." Jack frowned at Tsuji, and turned to his paltry knowledge of American Law.

"What if I don't want to be forced to remember? Ever heard of the Fifth Amendment? ' _No person shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself_ '?" He didn't like this, not one bit. All of this reminded him all too much of when he had been dragged into Guardianship not so long ago, the way he was being "offered" something without really being given a choice in the matter. Granted, things had gotten out of hand before he had actually gotten volunteered, no thanks to Pitch, and later he ended up accepting of his own accord, so... it worked itself out.

“How the hell does he know the amendments? The only one I bothered to remember was the freedom of speech. And that was because everyone kept telling me to shut up.” Iggy interjected.

"There you have it." Jack shrugged 'innocently'. "I remembered that one because it helps me get away with stuff when I need." Like, say, right now. "Also, American spirit, three centuries worth of free time all by myself, been around for the formation of America even... so, plenty of reasons, really." The Guardians all tensed and looked away for a while at the reminder of Jack's three centuries of solitude.

“Wait.” Iggy said in a moment of realization. “Does this make me like Jack Frost? I seriously do not want to go down to such a low level.”

“What is so horrible about my level?” Jack asked, grinning. Tsuji had to keep from snorting there, as he had more than once compared Iggy to Jack himself. His magic senior always dismissed the claims fiercely, but eventually she just gave up and ignored him on the subject from then on. He didn't see why that was such a bad thing, though. Jack was proving to be quite the clever bastard right now, for example; he thought it could even be considered flattering from that certain point of view... how ironic. By then, Bunny had put aside the heartache he felt over Jack's isolation and went back to fuming a little at the boy's gall. He could all but see Jack teasing them for not being able to duly convict him, with no way to getting the needed evidence. Worse yet, if he thought about it he was the one who had given the hoon his way out on a silver platter. That comment about 'getting away with stuff when he needs' was just icing on the 'in-your-face' cake.

"So." It was Tsuji's turn to interject. "You really don't remember?"

"Nope." Jack claimed, grinning at his own wit. "Not at all."

At that moment Tooth took a deep breath and said "Jack... You're lying." Everyone whirled their heads to look at the Tooth Fairy. She shouldn't be sounding this mortified, they all thought.

"Say what?" Jack asked with a false quizzical expression. "I'm saying, Jack" she had a glare on her face that was such a pure undiluted cold fury that it managed to give chills to the _winter_ spirit. "That you are lying. As the Guardian of Memories I can sense that there is no loss in your recent memories." The chill Jack had felt before only increased.

“I knew it!” Iggy exclaimed. Jack Frost, ratted out by the Guardian of Memories; that will go down in the history books. Bunny too was rather shocked. Glad as he should be for having someone outing Jack's crimes, he couldn't begin to understand why Tooth of all people would go and out Jack like that.

"Eh, sheila, why do ya say..."

"Don't you see it, Bunny?" She spun around to face the Guardian of Hope, and he felt his stomach drop all over again as he saw her look full of... hurt? "You know that Jack's memories are faulty! You know how long was the time he spent out there on his own because of that!" And then they narrowed in fury as she added " _What if your stupid magic cupcakes had done permanent damage to his memory again?_ "

Bunny briefly shuddered at the idea of h- _of Jack_ losing his memories again, but quickly regained his composure. What the hell, Tooth? He knew what he was doing! He'd never let something like that happen to Frostbite, much less do it himself. That was just supposed to be a _prank_ , is all! Seriously, cut a bloke some slack... Even so, he knew from experience that there was no reasoning with a hysterical Tooth Fairy, so he just let her rally on... and then Jack, the little shite, apparently decided to sic her against him further.

"Yeah, Bunny!" Jack gestured over-dramatically to himself again. "What if I had lost my memories for good here, all because of you?" He didn't think Bunny was _that much_ of a jerk - or dumb - to do that to him either, but hey, if it got the attention off him... Sadly for Jack, the expected scowl from Bunny had nothing on the totally unexpected angry-hurt face Tooth shot his way.

"And you, Mr. Jack Frost!" Tooth's voice sounded more and more broken by the second, and he about jumped out of his chair. "Of all things I'd never believe you'd lie about something like THAT! Don't you ever! _Ever_! Scare me like that again!" Jack flinched as she all but shrieked the last part, and then proceeded to cover her face with her hands and start sobbing, prompting North to go comfort her. At that point he was an inch away from squirming in his chair. Damn, he should have the right to be angry at Tooth for being betrayed this way, but... how was he supposed to? Jus- just look at her _face_! And if that wasn't enough, North and Bunny were now looking at him with those nice disappointed scowls... he should be taking all this in stride, heck he _was_ taking it all in stride seconds ago... how had he been reduced to _feeling the disappointment and guilt creep into his soul_? Jack looked down in complete guilt, Tooth reminded him of his mother in so many ways. Tooth was sweet, kind, and full of happiness. And just like it had been with his mother, he couldn’t bear to make her unhappy. So there was one thing left to do; suck it up, be a man, and confess to your mother figure that you tricked her and she cried. Should be simple. _Insert heavy sarcasm here_ , Jack thought.

"Okay, okay, look...", Jack held out both his hands in a placating gesture, clearing his throat to call for the others' attention before continuing in an appropriately soothing voice: "I'm really sorry I lied... and made you think my head was messed up again, Tooth."

Tooth looked up, not appearing quite willing to forgive him all too soon, if her pained scowl-slash-pout was any indication. He was expecting that, of course, but by the same token it didn't make the guilt any easier to stomach... and the way North and Bunny were also scowling at him... he could see what _else_ was coming for him a mile away.

"Jaaaack...", North drawled on in a menacing tone. "Truth. Now.". And the Predictability Award and medal goes to... "Rite', Jack. What was up with those snowglobes?" Jack could almost feel Bunny grinning vindictively at him behind that scowl. He really wasn't about to live that one down.

"Fine!", Jack grumbled. "I was going to use them on a prank. Happy?" "What prank?" North asked the moment Jack stopped talking, to make clear there was no fooling him anymore. This made Iggy smirk a little. North had been very obvious in the movie... Jack sighed. He fought well. He did. But as it turned out, implying to Tooth that his memories went missing took things too far into serious territory and became his downfall.

"We're waitin', Jack." Oh, and while they were at it, screw him. And his reverie had been so nice too... especially compared to the trouble he clearly was in now. "Alright", Jack started, after bracing himself. "Should be simple enough. Snowglobes. You guys. Math.". The Guardians looked genuinely shocked at that. _So that's why we ended up here, huh_ , Tsuji thought. Much ado about nothing...

Bunny, however, just blinked. "S' that all?". All that mindgame from Jack... for that? "Kinda expected something... more elaborate? A lot more, at that." Jack's pride immediately took offense to Bunny's utterly nonchalant dismissal. "I'll have you know, Cottontail, that the simplest pranks are the best ones."

"Sure, Frosty, whatever ya say.". Bunny smirked, suddenly seeing the golden opportunity to turn the tables on the bloody show pony and going for it. " Looks like ya aren’t all that smart, huh? Yer brains went out to lunch on that one, I reckon?", he taunted away, donning his best mocking expression and tone.

"Hey!", Jack grumbled, scowling harder and clutching his pants in frustration, for lack of staff. And arm rests. "I- I'd like to hear you say that while stranded in Antarctica!"

Antarctica... Jack was a smart one, thinking of a place he'd not be able to easily find firm ground to open a tunnel on, but admitting that now would defeat his current plan, so... "I see... and what makes ya think I don't have my ways around that?". He was right. He didn't. For a long time now it hasn't even crossed his mind that he'd find himself away from his mean of long-distance transportation, simply because the problem had never presented itself. Add to that the long, long stretch of relatively peaceful time he acquired that skill in, and before long he found himself not even worrying at all. But Jack didn't have to know how soft the 'ancient Pooka warrior' had gone.

“I know you don’t have the ways-unless you were granted another form of transportation ablilties, which is very unlikely. Mother Nature has tabs on everyone, including you. I have to have notes on all the people I prank; I can’t screw up and have to backtrack. These things have to be thought out. I have my files on everyone; E. Aster Bunnymund,” Bunny’s full name sounded different coming from Jack, not bad, just different. Kinda chilling, actually. Ah, puns. Jack continued “Last of the Pookas, works with spring magic, spring magic that is weakened in cold condition due to the fact that plants and living things either die or go into hibernation. E. Aster Bunnymund’s extreme dislike for cold is often seen in his complaints when he visits the pole. As an another side fact-”

“Dammit, Jack, I didn’t come here for a display of Bunny facts.” Iggy said, rolling her eyes and then stopped. “In fact, I never wanted to be here in the first place, so yeah..”

 _Note to self_ , Iggy thought, _get waaayyyy better comebacks. They have been really lame lately._

 

Tsuji was smirking and covering his mouth to stifle laughter. "And you call _us two_ stalkers. Riiiiiight..." Still missing his staff, Jack resorted to glaring at Tsuji, who merely smirked back. _Note to self, ice this smartass nutjob over as soon as I have my staff back_ , Jack thought. "So!". The blonde mage clapped her hands to make sure everyone's attention would be on her.

"As you can see, we finally have a verdict! Bunny drugged everyone and Jack wanted to dump you all -", she gestured at the Guardians with one hand, " - into random places. Except the damn ice-blockhead dumped _us_ here instead." Then she stood up and turned at Jack, pinning him colder and deader than Jack himself could possibly hope to be with her eyes, which promised all kinds of hell with lots of high water for good measure. " _And of damn course... he will pay for spilling OUR COFFEE!!!_ "

Jack gulped. Because sure, 'hell' was always undesirable, but 'high water'? High water was the bane of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iggy’s notes: Hello people, it’s been a while. I’ve created a tumblr (feel free to check it, it’s: http://iggygathersonamission.tumblr.com/) Enjoy that. I’ve been very focaused on my becoming the dragon king fic. :D Have a fun day (it’s snowing where I live! SNOW. I cosplayed as Jack Frost and took pictures; I’ll post them to tumblr eventually)
> 
> Tsuji's Atogaki: Yeah, it's been a long while for me too. RL really swept me under... I am going to travel to the U.S.! And see SNOW! For the first time in my freaking life (I basically live in an eternal summer, like the cast of Evangelion... meh). 
> 
> So, next chapter... It's on, baby!


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